I’m a recovering perfectionist. 

In fact, during job interviews, I used to claim perfectionism as my biggest weakness because I believed it to be more a medal of honor. And yes, I now know nearly everyone used to do this.

Perfectionism is a Thief

Many mothers (and lots of other people) like me strive to meet the high standards of perfection. I spent a lot of years trying to chase the illusion of perfectionism. Sometimes I still catch myself struggling in the clutches of comparison. It’s a hard habit to break. 

When my children were younger, I wasted a lot of time stressing over how things looked. I spent every Friday night cleaning the house just in case someone stopped by over the weekend. Heaven forbid if anyone saw my dirty floors.

I obsessed over the opinions of my children’s teachers. Being a teacher myself, I felt I had more to prove. What would they think if a “teacher’s” kid didn’t do their homework? What if they failed a test? And even worse, what if they were disrespectful?

It’s Really About Shame

What worried me the most, though, was the potential judgment from others if they discovered my true imperfections. 

What if they knew I was often short-tempered, that I was impatient, and that I was way too hard on my kids? What if they saw my overflowing laundry, or knew how often I fed my family fast food?

Thank goodness social media wasn’t around back then. Those “perfect” Instagram momfluencers would have done me in.

No matter how hard I tried, I never felt I was enough. Now, after all this time, I’m ready to wave the white flag.

Understanding Perfectionism vs. High Standards

It’s critical to distinguish between destructive perfectionism and constructive high standards. Perfectionism often drives us to pursue unattainable ideals, usually fueled by fear of judgment and failure. 

In contrast, healthy standards are flexible, realistic, and self-directed—they focus on growth and progress rather than flawlessness. 

By adopting healthy standards, we can strive for improvement and excellence in ways that enhance our lives and relationships rather than impair them. This shift in perspective is essential for anyone caught in the snare of perfectionism.

If I could do it over again…

Instead of cleaning, I would take my kids to the park.

I would spend hours building a blanket fort in the living room. Then the whole family could eat dinner in the fort on the semi-clean floor. 

If I could  do all over again, I would worry less and play more.

My kids, who are now adults, can vouch for my recovery.

If someone were to drop by my house without warning, they would see that my floors might not be clean. But it barely bothers me. Believe it or not, I can even relax in a cluttered living room and enjoy drawing or reading.

I also hope my kids see I am less focused on their achievements and a lot more fun to be around.

When my now two-year-old granddaughter gets older, we’ll build a cozy fort together on my not-so-clean floors and leave it up all weekend. I’m certain she won’t take offense. 

Have you ever wondered if your dreams for your children are truly theirs? It’s a delicate balance between guiding them and dictating their path. Where do you draw the line?