Some television shows leave you unsettled. Adolescence on Netflix did that for me. I felt disoriented, even confused—not by the plot, but by how deeply it reflected things I thought I understood but clearly didn’t.

I’ve always known that radicalization is a risk. It’s always been with us. Cults, for example, have long targeted isolated or idealistic young people—college students, especially.

Today, the internet is a more efficient vehicle for the same manipulation. Watching the show reminded me that this isn’t just theoretical. The dangers are real, and they’ve led to serious harm. 

Still, I found myself asking: Is this what we should be most afraid of?

What struck me most wasn’t just the horror of what unfolded in the story, but how quickly fear becomes the dominant lens. That’s what sells. It’s why shows like Adolescence are popular. It’s why books like The Anxious Generation gain traction. Fear-driven stories grab our attention—but they rarely guide us toward what’s actually useful.

And that’s the part I’m still sitting with. I don’t believe we’re served by being told to fear technology. My adult kids have known about the Incel culture for nearly two decades. They’ve grown up aware of these dark online corners, while many of us adults are just beginning to understand how they operate.

I’m not sure fear is what they need from us. I think they need more trust, more connection, and more thoughtful guidance—not just another list of rules.

I’m not above these worries. I share them. I’m not writing from a place of arrival, but from within the messiness of parenting in this moment. We’re all trying to raise good humans in a world we’re still figuring out ourselves.

So instead of reacting from fear, I’m trying to notice what actually matters. To sort the signal from the noise. To pay more attention to what today’s kids are experiencing emotionally, not just what they’re doing on their screens.

This isn’t about dismissing the dangers. It’s about making sure we’re looking in the right direction.

Parenting Lessons From Adolescence

• Fear sells. Adolescence is entertainment designed to provoke. It tugs on real parental fears about tech, but its emotional intensity can cloud clear thinking.
• There are warning signs—we just have to recognize them.
  Jamie’s isolation, mood shifts, and extreme online behavior weren’t hidden. His parents saw them but dismissed them. We can notice these signs before they grow.
• The biggest risk isn’t technology, it’s disconnection.
  Emotional distance was the real danger in this story. Jamie’s parents didn’t seem to know who he was or what he was going through. That kind of silence is a louder warning than any screen.
• Tightening control won’t fix this—it might make things worse.
  Top-down rules without dialogue can drive kids deeper into secrecy. If we want to help, we have to listen more than we monitor.

The Real Dangers

Yes, there are real risks. Bullying today isn’t confined to school halls. It happens in group chats, on anonymous forums, and in subtle digital exclusion. Kids also face online communities that thrive on misogyny, racism, and violence. These communities want your child to feel unseen and misunderstood. That’s how they draw them in.

And yes, a child in pain, who feels alone, can get swept up in harmful ideologies. Incel culture, hate groups, conspiracy theories—they’re a click away. That’s not fear-mongering; that’s a reality we have to meet with eyes open.

But here’s the good news: Connection is protective.

Kids are less likely to be drawn into dangerous spaces when they feel seen, heard, and grounded at home. When they know they can come to you, even with the messy stuff, they’re more resilient.

What Can We Actually Do?

Rather than doubling down on control, let’s focus on communication, curiosity, and trust. Here are a few ways to start:

Be present, not perfect.
You don’t need to know every app or trend. Just make time. Sit with them. Ask questions that aren’t just about homework. The goal isn’t to fix, it’s connecting.

Watch for disconnection, not just danger.
A shift in mood, isolation, obsessive behavior—these are signs. Not of moral failure, but of struggle. If something feels off, it probably is.

Ask open-ended questions.
“How are you feeling about school?” “Who do you enjoy talking to lately?” “What do you usually do online after school?” Kids respond better when the tone is genuine, not interrogative.

Avoid the lockdown mindset.
Blocking every app or taking away devices doesn’t address why kids are drawn in. In fact, it can push them to hide things better. Instead, co-create boundaries and revisit them often.

Talk about values more than rules.
Instead of “Don’t ever go on Reddit,” try “Let’s talk about how to tell if a space online is healthy or toxic—and what to do if it starts to feel dark.”

We can’t parent out of panic. We have to parent with presence.

The real lesson in Adolescence isn’t that technology is dangerous. It’s that kids who are hurting will always look for something or someone to make sense of the world. If we’re not available for those conversations, someone else will be.

Let’s stop focusing only on screen time, or the next app to fear. Let’s focus instead on what’s going on inside our kids, not just on what’s happening on their screens. Let’s spend more time in their world, not just regulating it from the outside.

Because connection isn’t a luxury in modern parenting, it’s a necessity.