What’s the right age for social media? When should kids use it, and how much?
These questions capture the challenge of raising kids in a world that feels like it’s rewriting the rules of parenting every day.
In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt presents a simple solution for protecting children’s mental health: restricting and delaying their use of social media. For parents already concerned about screen time and rising rates of teen anxiety, Haidt’s message feels reassuring.
Haidt’s approach taps into a bias many of us hold—that more control is the answer. If we can delay access and reduce exposure, the problem will disappear. But this oversimplified perspective feeds into fear instead of offering real guidance. Social media is not the only factor affecting kids’ mental health. It’s one piece of a much larger puzzle involving school pressures, economic instability, and family dynamics.
Technology isn’t going anywhere, and parents can’t control how schools or workplaces adopt it. What parents can control is how they respond—by modeling healthy behaviors, guiding kids with intention, and fostering the skills they need to thrive in a digital-first world.
Why Haidt’s Approach Falls Short
Haidt’s book appears well-researched and evidence-based. However, his arguments are overly simplistic and use selective data, ignoring the broader impact of social media.
Haidt’s claims might sound convincing at first glance, but a closer look reveals significant flaws that everyone should understand.
- Haidt oversimplifies mental health challenges.
While depression and anxiety have risen, their causes are far more complex. Economic instability, academic pressures, and the pandemic all contribute. Haidt narrowly links these struggles to social media while ignoring broader factors. He doesn’t address evidence such as a meta-analysis from the Oxford Internet Institute, which found no evidence that social media causes mental health declines. Focusing only on social media risks missing what kids truly need: support and strategies to navigate broader challenges.
- Avoiding technology leaves kids unprepared.
Technology is not optional. Schools use digital tools for learning, workplaces rely on technology, and AI shapes how we live. Avoiding social media doesn’t prepare kids for these realities. Children need guidance to build skills like patience and emotional control while balancing offline activities to support healthy development.
- Banning social media creates additional risks.
Delaying or banning social media can backfire. For vulnerable kids, like LGBTQ teens or those in underserved communities, social media can be a lifeline for support and connection. Bans also trigger the “forbidden fruit” effect, making prohibited platforms more enticing. Kids often access social media at friends’ homes or through secret accounts, where they lack guidance. Instead of shielding kids, bans increase their exposure to harm when they explore these platforms alone.
- One-size-fits-all age limits don’t work.
Haidt’s proposal to raise the minimum age for social media to 16 has no clear evidence to support it. Children develop at different rates; some are ready sooner, others later. A rigid cutoff ignores individual maturity and circumstances. Families need flexible, tailored approaches to help kids build responsible habits with parental support.
What Parents Can Control
Haidt’s focus on fear and avoidance misses a key point. Effective parenting in a digital world isn’t about shielding kids; it’s about preparing them. While parents can’t control external factors, they can focus on what happens at home.
Here are three practical ways to guide kids in a tech-driven world:
- Model Responsible Technology Use
Kids learn by watching. Show them how to use technology mindfully—whether it’s setting your own limits, staying present during family time, or talking about your online habits. Modeling balance sets the strongest example. - Teach Digital Literacy
Help kids develop critical thinking to navigate the online world safely. Teach them to spot misinformation, understand algorithms, and manage their digital footprint. These skills empower kids to make informed choices—a far better strategy than avoidance. - Foster Open Communication
Instead of framing social media as the enemy, keep conversations open and ongoing. Check in regularly about what kids see online, how they feel about it, and what boundaries they need. Open dialogue builds trust and prepares kids to handle challenges collaboratively.
These approaches don’t just address Haidt’s concerns—they prepare kids to thrive in a complex, digital world.
A Better Way Forward
While Haidt’s The Anxious Generation sparks important conversations about social media, it falls short by offering fear-driven solutions to a complex problem. Parenting in the digital age isn’t about banning technology—it’s about equipping kids with the skills and confidence to navigate it safely.
Unlike Haidt’s restrictive approach, I advocate for collaboration, preparation, and guidance. Kids don’t need a shield from technology; they need trust, skills, and support to thrive. By creating environments that prioritize learning and adaptability, we can move beyond fear-based solutions to empower the next generation.
Start small by having an open conversation with your child today about their online world. Ask what they enjoy, what worries them, and how you can work together to create healthy boundaries. By taking these steps, we teach kids to engage with technology thoughtfully, not avoid it out of fear.
