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The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Modern Parenting Dilemma

To spank or not to spank? 

The spanking debate is everywhere online. You see it all over social media, especially with talks about discipline and kids today.

Why is spanking such a hotly debated topic? In a nutshell, the answer is societal influence. It’s what we hear, fears of what others think, and the need to control.


Navigating the Maze of Parenting Advice

Hearing stories like “I was spanked and I turned out okay” can definitely cause confusion when you’re trying to figure out the best way to raise kids. With so much conflicting advice, it’s easy to worry about “spoiling” or “coddling” them, especially when some say talking about feelings makes children weak.

But here’s the thing: kids aren’t “bad” and they don’t need harsh punishments to become strong and responsible. 

You can set boundaries and address poor behavior with empathy and understanding. This way, kids learn to take ownership of their actions, develop self-control, and navigate challenges in a healthy way.

Instead of clinging to outdated advice, what if we embraced evidence-based methods that prioritize a child’s well-being and nurture strong connections?

The Hidden Costs of Spanking: A Closer Look

Ruby Franke, a YouTuber recently found guilty of child abuse, reminds us of the potential dangers of using physical discipline in parenting.

While spanking may seem like a quick solution in the heat of the moment, it can have lasting negative affects on children, just like the ones experienced by Ruby Franke’s six children who lived in constant fear of punishment.

Imagine living with that constant unease, unsure of what action might trigger your parent’s anger. This constant fear can lead to a range of emotional consequences for children, extending far beyond the immediate physical pain of spanking.

The Science Against Spanking

Research consistently shows the negative effects of spanking, including:

  • Increased aggression and defiance: Studies show children who are spanked are more likely to exhibit aggressive behaviors themselves, perpetuating a cycle of conflict.

  • Negative impact on brain development: Research reveals spanking alters how children perceive threats and process emotions, potentially leading to lifelong anxiety and emotional regulation difficulties.

  • Undermined self-esteem: Spanking can make children feel unloved and unworthy, damaging their self-esteem and impacting their ability to form healthy relationships.

  • Difficulty in school: The increased stress and anxiety associated with spanking can hinder a child’s ability to concentrate and learn, leading to academic and social challenges.

These findings challenge the belief that physical punishment is a harmless rite of passage, instead pointing to the lasting damage it can inflict on a child’s emotional and cognitive well-being.

Striving for a Positive Approach to Discipline

While some may argue, “I was spanked and I turned out okay,” it’s important to remember that “okay” isn’t necessarily our goal as parents. We can aspire to more for our children. 

Instead of relying on fear-based tactics, we can strive to create a loving and supportive environment where children can learn and grow without the burden of emotional scars. 

Positive discipline offers effective alternatives to spanking, allowing you to address misbehavior while building a strong, trusting relationship with your child:

  • Talk: Encourage your child to express their feelings and actions verbally, fostering both communication and emotional literacy.

  • Listen: Actively listen to your child and try to understand the reasons behind their behavior. This shows empathy and promotes cooperative problem-solving.

  • Discuss: Take the time to explain the rationale behind rules and consequences. This helps children understand expectations and internalize lessons.

  • Problem-Solve: Engage your child in open discussions about their behavior, inviting collaborative solutions and empowering their decision-making abilities.

Build a Legacy of Empathy and Resilience

As parents, we should aim not only to prevent “spoiling” but also to nurture individuals who are equipped to navigate the world with empathy, resilience, and compassion.


Imagine a world where our children feel safe to express themselves, make mistakes, and learn from them without fear of punishment. Can we move towards this reality together by embracing positive parenting strategies and rejecting outdated practices?


P.S. For an insight into our family’s approach to parenting, check out ‘NYC Against the Odds: My Daughter’s NYC Dream.’ Here I tell the story of my daughter’s brave move to NYC in February 2020. If there was ever a time when we needed strong family bonds, it was then. 

As a parent, navigating through conflicting advice and rapid changes in technology can be quite challenging.

That’s why I’ve created a complimentary guide to modern parenting, designed to provide you with practical insights and tips. To make things easy, simply click on the button below to download your free guide. It’s a small tool I hope will make a big difference in your parenting journey.

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