Despite our best intentions, every parent makes mistakes.

I get things wrong more times than I care to admit. Some mistakes I regret more than others.

Kids are forgiving, though. The good news is if we get it right just 70% of the time, we’re rocking it!

The first step to becoming the parent we want to be is to realize our mistakes, repair any harm we’ve done, and finally to change our practice.

Here are four mistakes that have detrimental effects on kids.

1) Parenting by Default

Despite swearing we won’t, most of us parent the way we were parented, combined with some version of current trends. Sometimes we justify it by saying we turned out alright. Default parenting is comfortable and the path of least resistance.

Purposeful parents, though, are intentional. They make choices based on values, proactive planning, brain-based research, and realistic expectations. They reflect, apologize when necessary, and grow with their children.

Purposeful parents focus on changing themselves instead of fixing their kids.

2) Being Overly Influenced by Social Media

If I have to see another self-proclaimed “parenting expert” tell me how to handle a tantrum, I’m going to scream.

Taking advice from strangers is almost always a bad idea. It’s especially risky when we listen to influencers who only show you their Insta side and are motivated by views.

I highly recommend only heeding advice from those who have been parenting more than a minute, actually have credentials beyond a million followers, and know something about child development.

Psst… I’m more than happy for you to head over to my About Me page anytime to check out my credentials, because you should make sure I’m legit.

3) Giving Harsh Punishments

Concerns about raising spoiled and entitled children have been trending since the 1950s.

Still, decades of research show harsh punishments negatively affect children’s mental health by increasing the odds of depression, aggression, and addictions. Not only does it harm kids’ mental health, it doesn’t work. Harsh punishments break trust, cause resentment, and lead to deception.

There is simply no justifiable reason to shame or physically harm children.

4) Comparing Our Kids to Others

Comparing children’s talents, abilities, and developmental progress leads to anxiety and stress.

Kids already compare themselves instinctively. They know when they fall short, when they can’t keep up, or don’t fit the cultural expectations of attractiveness.

It doesn’t matter if we’re obvious or subtle with our comparisons. Children always know.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

Now that you know better, you can do better. And I’m always here to help.

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What mistakes should I add to the list?