How it started …

Long ago, early in my teaching career, before having my own children, filled with blissful dreams of pretty nurseries and adorable family photos, I was slightly nervous about raising a human but believed parenthood would be an adventure I could conquer. 

I told myself…

MY children won’t say no to me. 

MY kids will not talk back. 

MY children will earn good grades.

How it went…

My actual children were nothing like I had imagined.

I thought I had to fix them because THEY were the problem. I was fine. 

It sounds so arrogant now. But Authoritarian style parenting “experts” had convinced me to demand obedience with little concern for feelings. 

The problem is research shows children with authoritarian parents exhibit MORE behavior problems, are less resourceful, and struggle with social skills. 

Those characteristics are the exact opposite of what I want for my children. 

How it’s going…

I’ve learned the only person I can change is me. 

Coaching, instead of controlling, allows my children to be who they are instead of who I think they should be. 

Sometimes I still wrestle with the guilt of having been too harsh, indifferent, and unsympathetic. However, rehearsing and rehashing guilt isn’t productive. 

Instead, I’m becoming the kind of parent who… 

• Withholds advice unless asked.  
• Validates my children’s emotions without judgement.
• Sits with my children’s pain without trying to fix it for them. 
• Believes in my kids’ ability to find their own way through challenges without my help.
• Views my children’s success and failures as their own and not a reflection of my parenting. 

I want to be a person my children trust and admire.

I strive to love my children unconditionally, show up in all the best ways, and be proud of their wins and losses.  

Despite how it started, parenting is going well. I love spending time with my adult children. 

We talk about all the things, we laugh, and solve the world’s problems. 

What could be better than that?

Trading fairytale dreams of who I thought my kids should have been, for a realistic understanding of who I should be as a parent, is the best choice I ever made. 

What kind of parent do you want to be?